Homestuck Truth or Dare
by EuphoniumLove
Summary: The kids, alpha kids, trolls, and ancestors all gather around for a game of truth or dare where the events are determined by you! Big thanks to hipsterJesus for being so helpful
1. Intro

A quick note before we start…

It has been brought to my attention that my fanfiction is against the guidelines, and I should change it to story format. This will stop me from using quirks (but I will still use lisps (written as "th" instead of "s", drunken slurs, puns, and accents), but you can see the original (which has quirks) at ! Thank you to catspats31 for pointing this out to me. This is my complete re-do. Thank you to everyone who's read Homestuck Truth or Dare!

Dares and truths can be submitted to the PunBB titled "homestucktruthordare", by PM, or my gmail account called hstruthordare (Fanfiction won't let the whole link or email show up, sorry), but please don't submit them through review.

Thank you guys, and now, without further ado, Homestuck Truth or Dare Intro!

_The kids, alpha kids, trolls, and ancestors are all sitting around a table, with the exception of Dirk, who is on a chair away from everyone else, and Meenah, Cronus (who has been hitting on her since she sat down), Rufioh, Nepeta, and Terezi, who are on the couch. As everyone is getting impatient, somebody new says something._

"Has everybody come today?" she said.

"I am inclined to believe so," Kankri, who never misses a chance to speak, disclosed for her.

Karkat, however, being the complete opposite of his post-scratch ancestor, simply yelled, "Who the fuck is this girl?"

Horuss, who started to sweat, had something to say, too. "Please refrain from using that language."

"Fuck you!"Horuss had begun to sweat even more at hearing this.

"My apologies. Anybody have a towel?"

The mystery girl had apparently come prepared, because she handed Horuss a towel. She began to speak again, "Here you go. Before we start, my name is—" she was interrupted by Equius tapping her on the shoulder. She'd need to get some ice for that bruise later.

"Can I have one, too?" he whispered as quietly as he could, which was still pretty loud.

"Of course," she whispered back as she handed him a dry towel. She began to address the whole group as she said, "Sorry. My name is Lisa, and we're going to be playing a game of Truth or Dare."

"Oooh, sounds like fun!" John said, excited.

"What the fuck, I didn't sign up for this!" Karkat said, because he knew what was coming, and Jesus, he did not want to get involved in that.

"Truth or dare?" Terezi asked.

"I've never heard of that befur!" Nepeta said.

"Yeah, I figured none of the trolls would have heard of it!" Lisa said.

"It's realby fun," Roxy slurred

Rose impatiently asked, "May I please leave?"

"No," Lisa said. "Truth or dare, trolls, is a game where the readers submit requests to you. You either have to say something truthful or do something. Basically, it's a game of cruelty where you get humiliated in front of your peers!"

"I, uhh, think I get it," Tavros said.

"I don't see why you wouldn't. It's pretty simple." Vriska said.

"Sorry,"

"Serket-lookin' girl, don't be mean, or do we need another ministrife?" Meenah asked.

"Hell no. I'll stop if I don't have to go through that clusterfuck again. Vriska replied and Gamzee honked and gave a goofy smile.

"Let's get this the hell over with." Karkat grumpily said.

"We're going to start right now!" Lisa cheerfully replied.


	2. Encountering A Problem On Fanfiction

I apologize, but since Microsoft Word would not let me do Tavros' quirk, I had to copy and paste. In the uploading of the file that I pasted, a couple of problems occurred.

-Equius' quirk is showing up as "D-", not "D-".

-The email is hstruthordare at gmail.

I will try to fix Word's autocorrecting problem, but from now on I have to leave these problems as they are. Sorry about those problems!

Edit: Lots more problems, actually. Less than sign not showing up, I can only do 1 "-", etc. I'll figure this out.


	3. Actually Chapter 2- The First Round

CH 2 -  
Everyone is back at the house. Endless chatter fills the room. Gamzee's horn pile is packed in a box in case somebody wants to have a feelings jam in another room.

~These dares come from hipsterJesus!~

Dares

Karkat: Check your privileges Kankri: Help him. Privilege-checking is a difficult process and he may need help doing it. He will need your experience. While you're at it, check your own privileges. John: Pull a classic prank on Karkat. One from the ages. One timeless, the prank to end- no, begin- all pranks.  
Terezi: Lick Karkat and his D3L1C1OUS C4NDY R3D BLOOD Dirk: Cross dress cosplay time GO Roxy: Poke Dirk. In a ninja costume. While he's cross dressing.

Truths Nepeta: Do any shipping lately? What's your OTP?  
Equius: What do you think of his ancestor?  
Roxy: Have you met EriSolSprite yet? He's a hacker, a magical, all-knowing sprite, and a wizard all in one. And the combination of the two most self-hating douche-bags in the universe that everyone ships, but that's not relevant!~

Lisa: Is everyone here today?

Kankri: My dear ancest9r, Karkat, is missing.

Lisa: That's okay, we don't need him at the moment. John, I need you. (pulls out laptop)

John: (walks over) yes?

Lisa: I need you to look at the screen for a second.

John: (looks at screen) oh God! I have the perfect idea for that!

Lisa: Great. Thanks, hipsterJesus.

John proceeded to leave the room and hook up a great contraption to make Karkat flip the fuck out.

John: heheheheh.

Lisa: But the next one requires Karkat and Kankri. Shame. Oh well, we'll come back to that. Dirk, you need to cosplay like any girl of your choice.

Dirk: ...cross-dress cosplay?

Dave: haha bro i bet someone in here has a great anime cosplay for you

Dirk: i refuse

Dave: that's not very cool of you!

Dirk reluctantly nodded and asked if anyone had a dress he could use.

Kanaya: I Have Plenty Of Dresses!

Dirk: Okay, let s go th

The excited Kanaya grabbed Dirk by the wrist and ran off with him before he could even finish his sentence, chattering the whole way upstairs.

Kanaya: You know, trolls don t really care for fashion, but I do. I love making clothes. Most trolls only have the same shirt and pants. But I have lots of things. I make them in all different sizes. I m sure there s one that fits you!

Dirk: Whoever sent in that dare better watch their backs.

Everyone downstairs could hardly hear the door slam shut over Dave laughing at the thought of bro in a dress.

Rose: Dave, are you smiling?

Dave immediately put his poker face back on.

Dave: nope.

John walked back in the room just in time for Dirk to come back downstairs with no shades, lipstick (is that... blood on his lips?), high heels, and a green, strapless, lacy dress with a big black bow and a virgo patch.

John: Dirk, what happened to your lip?

Kanaya: I Accidentally Took Out My Chainsaw Lipstick Instead Of The Normal Stuff.

John: why did you want to do that anyway?

Dave, at that moment, completely lost his cool. He started bursting out in laughter. Following his burst of laughter was Nepeta purring and Kanaya smirking. In about 15 seconds, Dirk was the only one not laughing.

Dirk said something under his breath.

Kanaya: What Was That?

Dirk: (a little louder) i want my shades

Kanaya: Go Ahead And Get Them, I Suppose.

As Dirk was about to abscond, there was a loud knock on the door, followed by a shout.

Karkat: SORRY I'M LATE LET ME IN

John: come on-(snicker) in!

Karkat: FUCKING THANK YOU

As Karkat began to open the door, a bucket fell on his head. The post-scratch trolls were speechless. Equius and Horuss' mouths were wide open in shock at the thoughts running through their heads.

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT?

He then proceeded to have the most swear-filled mental breakdown in the history of paradox space.

Kankri: N9w Karkat, my 6el9ved relative, y9u really need t9 check y9ur privileges.

Karkat: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Kankri: It is very imp9rtant t9 kn9w what is appr9priate and what is n9t. Karkat, when y9u think a6out it, y9u are actually very privileged. Privileges may n9t 6e apparent, 6ut they are there. First 9f all-

Lisa: Okay, Kankri, I think that's enough.

[I can not thank hipsterJesus enough for this]

Kankri: I supp9se I sh9uld g9 in another r99m and check my 9wn. Karkat, c9me with me.

Karkat looked at everyone with hopeful eyes, begging someone to at least come with him. Roxy, having drank too much her normal extremely drunk self does, agreed.

Roxy: yeh lez go woo privleg checkin! yeah wtvr that is hahahahah

Latula: g1rl 1 would not go 1n th3r3 1f 1 w4s you

Meenah: chill let the human do what she wants

Roxy: hwll yeah im gona go CHCK MY PRILEGES kay my lyfe yool

Roxy: *yloo

Roxy: fuck

Latula: dont com3 cry1ng to m3 l4t3r

A reluctant Karkat, nonchalant Kankri, and an excited and drunk Roxy went upstairs to start this privilege-checking group.

Meenah: this will be fun

Dirk: they just went in the room i needed to dress in. guess i'm stuck in this dumb dress.

Kanaya: Hey! I Love That Dress!

Dirk: whoa sorry. anyway do you think she can handle it?

As expected, just 30 seconds after entering to room, Roxy came bursting out of the room, and bolted down the stairs. She clung to Dirk. Karkat could be heard from upstairs shouting at her.

Karkat: YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST TAKEN ME TOO IF YOU WERE GOING TO FUCKING BAIL OUT!\

Roxy: drik hold me

Dirk: its ok.

He looked at Rose as if to say, "is this normal?". She nodded back.

Roxy: no dirk i dnt wann go back he wodnt sht up!

Dirk proceeded to offer her a pat on the back. He noticed Dave laughing and glared at him over his glasses. Dave immediately stopped. ROxy was crying hysterically, but secretly a little bit happy that Dirk was hugging her. Latula just nodded at her own wisdom.

Lisa: Moving on. Karkat!

The door burst open as Lisa grabbed the skin pricker used for her diabetic tests.

Karkat: WHAT I'LL DO ANYTHING JUST GET ME OUT

Lisa: Good, this next dare involves you.

As soon as Karkat got downstairs, she grabbed his gray wrist and pricked him with the pricker.

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Lisa: Terezi, you have to lick his candy red blood.

Terezi: 1LL GL4DLY L1CK 4NYTH1NG R3D 4NYD4Y

Karkat began to blush, more out of love than embarrassment about his mutant blood, as Terezi began licking his wrist.

Lisa: Okay, that's enough.

Terezi: NO!

Lisa: That's enough! He's going to die of blood loss!

In all honesty, Lisa wasn't worried so much as she was feeling sick to her stomach. Karkat was admittedly grossed out as well. It took a solid 5 minutes to pry Terezi off of him and Karkat went through about 30 bandages before Terezi stopped prying them off.

Lisa: How about some chalk? Would you prefer chalk?

Terezi: C4N 1 FR33LY 34T 1T?

Lisa: Yes.

Terezi: ...F1N3.

Lisa: Thanks. Next up is for Roxy to go dress in a ninja costume.

Roxy pulled one out from behind her after getting off of Dirk.

Roxy: alwaybs got onee on hannd

Dirk: thank god she got a dare. she wouldnt have fucking gotten off of me if she didnt

Lisa: (escorting Roxy upstairs) you need to poke Dirk in this costume. You can annoy him in other ways if you want, too.

Roxy: ye-*hic*-ah oky

Lisa: Thank you. (walks back downstairs) Now for some truths. Nepeta?

Nepeta: :33 *ac looks up. she is pawsitively curious about her question!*

Lisa: Who do you ship and who is your OTP?

Nepeta: :33 i don't know. all the shippings are purrfect! guess i don't have one

Lisa: Okay. Eridan, what do you think of Cronus?

Eridan: ...

Cronus: vwell?

Eridan: (turns to cronus) youre fucked up. youre an asshole. i guess youre alright

Cronus: cool

Dirk: what the fuck was that?

Lisa: What? Oh, that's probably Roxy. Roxy, come out for a second, we need you.

Roxy: (comes out of shadows0

Dirk/Dave: jesus dick!

Lisa: Roxy, have you ever met ErisolSprite?

Roxy: no

Lisa: He's a hacker, know-all sprite, AND

Roxy: and?

Lisa: A wizard.

Roxy: oh

Roxy: my

Roxy: god.

Roxy: is heb here?

Lisa: sadly, he couldn't make it today

Roxy: (runs over to Dirk for consolation) DAMBIT

Dirk: (unenthusiastically) its ok

Roxy: but diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iirrrrkkkk i wanna meet the wizargd haaaaackeeeer

Karkat: CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY. THEY'RE BOTH DICKS. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THEY'D BE LIKE COMBINED. HORRIFYING.

Eridan: fuck you

Sollux: assh0le

Rose: How did I live 13 years with a mother like you?

Roxy: AR LEAST I WASNT 4000 YERS IN THE PAST

Dirk: 400 roxy and it's not really her fault

Roxy: DICCK

Dirk: (pries Roxy off) im going to go change.

Roxy: cagn i co-

Dirk: no.

-  
Trying a new format! Hope it's better.

Email truths/dares to me at hstruthordare or PM me or put them in a reply to this fic!

I am so happy. I started this when I was really sad. I had just come from honor band auditions, certain I failed because I messed up so much. I write away my emotions, and this fanfic was the product. I tend to beat myself up over these things, and writing this made me feel so happy.

I made it in! Out of 10 auditioners, I was one of the five chosen.

But just because of that, I'm not stopping this! I'll continue and improve.

Thanks for all of you guys' support!

Again, BIG shout-out to hipsterJesus. She helps me with parts (ahem shipping) that I struggle on, and helped by sending in the FIRST dares.

3 you guys,  
Lisa. 


	4. You Broke Karkat

Ch 3 -

~These dares come from a guest commenter. If you don't want to be anon, tell me!  
:DARES Karkat: Become the bucket king! (Put bucket on your head and sit in a bucket.  
Announce to everyone that you're the bucket king. The bucket you sit in must be filled with skittles. ;0)  
Karkat(I love torturing you!): BE HAPPY! (Smile, compliment people, trolls and humans alike, skip, make jokes, laugh. A lot.)  
Dave/Sollux: Switch glasses. :0)~

Lisa: So everyone's here and recovered from a tiring night?

Karkat: I GUESS. BUT I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHY YOU'RE STILL DOING THIS.

Everybody nods their head in agreement.

Lisa: Great! Let's start with Karkat.

Karkat: FUCK YOU.

Lisa: Can't say that! You need to be nice for a day. Smile, compliment people, skip around-

Karkat: FUCK EVERYTHING.

Lisa: - tell jokes, and laugh.

John: (bursts into hysterical laughter and falls onto floor)

Dave: i dont know whats so funny hes a bundle of joy and love all the time

Karkat: SHUT UP STRIDER.

John: Karkat, that was mean. Make it up to him by skipping around. (rolls onto stomach and props chiin on hands, smiling)

Karkat: FUCK NO.

Lisa: Karkat...

Karkat: I REFUSE TO

Gamzee: MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL mAn JuSt Do It

Karkat was forced into a smile by Gamzee. Gamzee picked him up and dropped him twice on one foot, twice on the other, and so forth.

Karkat: MHMHMHMMM

Gamzee: SoRrY bRo CaNt HeAr WhEn YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN mUmBlE lIkE tHaT

After another minute of Karkat's seemingly endless torture, Gamzee put him down.

Lisa: (recovering from laughter) Let's give you a break before your next dare.

Karkat: SHOOT.

Horuss: 8=D (we can work on your p*ttymouth later)

Karkat: I HATE EVERYTHING.

Lisa: Dave and Sollux, you need to switch glasses.

Dave: ok i guess

Dave/Sollux: (put on each other's glasses)

Sollux: do ii look cool?

Dave: how the hell do you see out of these? (seeks help, runs into wall)

Lisa: (supresses giggle) Karkat, be the bucket king (tries and fails to supress loud obnoxious laughter). Put a (snort) bucket on your head, sit in a bucket full of skittles and proclaim (laugh) to be the bucket king.

Karkat: OH.

Karkat: MY.

KARKAT: GOG.

Kankri: D9 we need t9 have an9ther talk ab9ut triggers?

Karkat: (stares in disbelief at bucket)

Kankri: Pe9ple need t9 6e m9re aware and respectful 9f 9ther's insecur-

Karkat: (slams buckket on head)

Karkat had to close his eyes to put the bucket on his head. At least sitting on the Earth candy made it feel less like a bucket. Seeing this made even someone as collected as Kankri want to gag in disgust. Karkat, however, was on the verge of actual tears as he, for once, said something quietly.

Dave: what was that?

Karkat (mumbling): I HEREBY PROCLAIM TO BE THE BUCKET KING.

John: this is too great! louder!

Karkat (slightly louder): I HEREBY PROCLAIM TO BE THE BUCKET KING.

Jake: what was that?

Karkat (louder than normal): I HEREBY PROCLAIM TO BE THE BUCKET KING.

Karkat: AND I LOVE MY SUBJECTS.

Jade: I think we broke him. (walks over to Karkat, pulls off bucket) You okay?

Karkat: Perfectly fine, Jade, thank you.

Karkat simply got up, walked upstairs, and shut the door very quietly behind him.

Jade: Yup, he's broken.

-  
Sorry this chapter's so short! There wasn't much in the request, so I decided to end it in poor Karkat's misery.

Karkat: FUCK YOU. 


	5. Look What You Made Me Do!

Ch 4 -  
~These dares come from Chibi Night Angel

Gamzee- Give me a hug~! Then get locked in a closet with ICP on blast for the whole chapter!  
Karkat- Wear a crab costume and do the crab dance Tavros- Be mean for the whole chapter (DO IT BRO!)  
Nepeta- Be Equius T_T Equius- Be Nepeta :3 Roxy- No alchohol Jake- Kiss Dirk Now~

Karkat: DO I LOOK BETTER

Lisa: Well you were broken last night, I'd say you definitely improved.

Karkat: HOW CAN YOU TELL?

Lisa: For one, you're yelling again. Two (suddenly punches Karkat)

Karkat: FUCK YOU.

Lisa: Yup, I'd say he's fixed. Let's get started. Gamzee?

Gamzee: HoNk :o)

Lisa: First off, hug the screen?

Gamzee: WhY tHe FuCk NoT? (hugs)

Lisa: Great! Now you have to be locked in a closet-

Karkat: OH SHIT LISA ANYTHING BUT THAT.

Lisa: shut up Karkat- listening to Insane Clown Posse for the whole chapter.

Gamzee: HoNk :o)

Karkat: (gives Gamzee shitton of Faygo) TAKE IT AND GO BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEBODY.

Gamzee: LeTs MoThErFuCkInG dO tHiS!

Lisa: That's the spirit! (frantically shoves him in closet and turns on ICP) (turns to Karkat) Now, Karkat, you need to dress up in a crab costume and do the crab dance.

Karkat: NO FUCK YOU AL

Lisa: At least it's not as bad as last time. (forces costume into Karkat's hands and points upstairs) Now go change. We'll do the next dare while you're gone.

Karkat: (stomps upstairs, muttering under breath)

Lisa: Tavros.

Tavros: wHAT DO i GET TO, uHH, DO?

Lisa: Be mean.

Tavros: ,,,

Lisa: You can do it! Haven't you wanted to yell at someone a lot? Tell someone off.

Tavros: tHERE IS ONE PERSON,,, bUT i DONT THINK i CAN DO IT,,,

Lisa: Just say something! The best insult you can muster.

Tavros: vRISKA,

Vriska: (pretends to look appalled, then smirks and says in her sweetest voice) Whatever could it 8e?

Tavros: (gets extrmemely nervous)

Equius: (D- Towel?)

Tavros: (iM GOOD,)

Vriska: Well?

Tavros: wHERED YOU GET YOUR, uHH, sHOES, tHE, uHH, uGLY STORE?

Vriska: Pathetic.

Lisa: Don't corrupt him!

Vriska: Please, like he'd ever 8e a8le to utter a mean word.

Dave: (rap?)

Vriska: (hell yeah)

Dave: hey man, that was bull

Vriska: Just what kind of insult were you tryin' to pull?

Dave: you didnt even try

Vriska: Oh, no, I think I'm startin' to cry

Both: (laugh)

Dave: at insults, were number one

Vriska: Want us to show you how it's done?

Tavros: nOT PARTICULARLY, nO,

Dave: look at him, a fuckin' wimp

Vriska: you think just 'cuz you got 8ig horns makes you cool 8ut you know your coolness is limp

Dave: we should snap 'em in half, those big ol' horns,

Vriska: See how good your "self esteem" is when you don't have 'em, you're gonna mourn

Tavros: pLEASE, sTOP,,,

Rufioh: come on, leave h1m alone.

Dave: youre such a poser

Vriska: You're about as mean as a hoser!

Rose: Hey, Canadians are great people.

Vriska: Who now?

Tavros: nOW THAT YOUVE BOTH FINALLY, sHUT UP,

Vriska: What you gonna do, ask me to "please stop Vriska it's hurting my self-esteem"

Tavros: nO,

Dave: vris i think we went a little far

Vriska: Nah. He wouldn't dare let anything mean come out of his mouth. He's awoken "Rufio".

Karkat grumpily came downstairs just in time to see something.

Tavros: yOU, dAVE, aRE THE POSER, yOURE NOT THAT COOL, i BET YOU ONLY WEAR THOSE GLASSES TO HIDE SOMETHING,

Dirk looked at Dave knowingly. Dave shamefully looked at the ground.

Dave (mumbling): i have my reasons

Tavros: aND YOU, vRISKA, hAVE NO RIGHT TO INSULT ME, iVE NEVER KILLED YOU, iVE NEVER "MANIPUL8ED" ANYONE OFF A CLIFF, aND i CERTAINLY DONT GET MY, sELF ESTEEM FROM HARMING OTHERS,

Vriska: Oh, so I paralyzed you and killed you. 8ig deal. At least I apologized, right?

Tavros: nOT TO MENTION YOU, kILLED aRADIA,

Vriska: ...

Tavros: aND APOLOGIZING DOESNT HELP THE FACT THAT iM DEAD,

Vriska: But you attacked me...

Tavros: bECAUSE OF YOU MAKING, bEC nOIR,

Vriska: T-t-t-

Tavros: sHOCKED? wHAT HAPPENED TO "YOU GOTTA BE MEANER tAVROS"?

Karkat could only stand there about to faint at seeing this completely out-of-character display. He was almost proud.

Tavros: oH, aND NICE WISE CRACKS ABOUT MY SELF ESTEEM, sINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DAMAGED IT,

Vriska: I told you I'm sor-

Tavros: dO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WENT WITH MY, lEGS? iM LUCKY TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE eQUIUS WHO HELPED, mE, INSTEAD OF HURT ME, bUT YOU HAD TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, aLONG WITH THE LITTLE i HAD, lEFT

Gamzee heard the whole thing from his closet and tried to help.

Gamzee: Do We NeEd A fUcKiNg FeElInGs JaM?

Lisa: It's not going to be very pretty, Gamzee, sorry.

Gamzee: HoNk :o(

Lisa: It's okay, you tried.

Dirk: hey man, its okay. shes dead too

Tavros: yOUR POINT, bEING?

Dirk: maybe if its ok by her it should be ok by you

Tavros: yOU OBVIOUSLY WERENT THERE FOR EVERY, sOLAR SWEEP SHE TORTURED ME,

Dirk: fine but you didnt have to be an asshole to bro

Tavros: hE WAS BEING AN ASSHOLE, tO ME, aND IT TAKES A LOT TO PISS ME OFF

Kankri: L99ks like somewhere in that rude rap, Tavr9s f9und his trigger. C9me, Karkat, let's see if we can figure it 9ut.

Karkat: I HAVE A DARE WAITING

Kankri: I'll patiently wait.

Dirk started to defend Dave, but Vriska interrupted.

Vriska: No, Tavros is right, we were assholes.

Tavros: i SHOULD REFRAIN FROM SPEAKING, fOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER SO i DONT DO THAT AGAIN,

Vriska: Nah, it was fun seeing you out of character.

Karkat: CAN I PLEASE DANCE AND GET THIS SHITTY SUIT OFF OF MYSELF

Kanaya: Hey! I Made That!

Karkat: (spins in circles and clamps fake claws) HAPPY?

Roxy: *le sign*

Karkat: HEY STOP SIGNING AT ME I'LL SIGN AT YOU

Lisa: Just go.

Karkat eagerly ripped off the suit to reveal his normal clothes and resumed life.

Nepeta: :33 what now?

Lisa: You and Equius have to switch around. You being Equius, Equius being you.

Nepeta: D- Sounds fun! It's like roleplaying!

Equius: :33 I think I can manage (begins to sweat)

Lisa: You have try to control your sweating. Nepeta... sweat.

Roxy: i cabnt tell the diferrrense hahahaha

Lisa: Oh, Roxy thanks for reminding me. (takes bottle from her) You are now on three-day prohibition.

Roxy: no sweabt

Rose: Mom, that means going sober.

Roxy: Im nobt STUPID rose

Rose: No wine or Vodka.

Roxy: I KNOW JENSUS

Rose: NO, mom, you don't understand that

Roxy: NOBOBY UNDERSTANGS ITS HARD MY ONLY FIREND LIVED MIBLES AWY

Dave: (is she any better when sober?)

Rose: (She just hangs out in a corner and sobs or something)

Roxy (upon sudden realization of 3 days without alcohol) OH MY GOD. everbything is horbible (clings to Dirk)

Lisa: Oh my- can't stay on him too long, Roxy. He's involved in the next dare.

Dirk: involved in? as in victim of?

Roxy: (very slowly lets go)

Lisa: You could say that.

Nepeta: D- Nepeta, towel please.

Equius: :33 uhh, oh, yes of course, a perfectly- uhh, purrfectly?- dry towel.

Lisa: Jake?

Jake: Yes?

Lisa: You have to kiss Dirk.

Jake: Egads!

Lisa: Just do it (shoves two closer)

Jake: ehm... you sure you want to do this?

Dirk: just imagine youre kissing one of your dumb alien chicks

Of course, he was talking about a girl from Avatar, but Karkat heard something totally different and was scared that one day one of them would make out with one of the troll girls.

Even worse, Terezi.

Just as Jake and Dirk's lips were about to touch, Karkat flipped the fuck out. He threw Jake off of Dirk, imagining that he was Terezi, and kissed him.

Nepeta: D- This is making me sweat purrfusely-I mean profusely.

Equius: :33 meow

Nepeta: D- We can work on that.

Karkat, upon realizing what he's done began to repeatedly apologize.

Kankri: Karkat, it seems y9u have 6egun to realize the imp9rtance 9f checking y9ur privileges. This is a very critical thing. When y9ung tr9lls d9n't check their privileges, they 6ecome even m9re 6itter and angry than y9u-and yes, that is possi6le! I was 6eginning t9 fear that you had started t9 6ecome a tr9ll with n9 self-c9ntrol.

Karkat: STOP.

Kankri: I'm very glad that my less9ns, th9ugh sh9rt, helped y9u check y9ur privileges. It is very 6ecoming 9f a y9ung tr9ll t9 6e a6le t9 d9 this.

Meenah: (i think hes trying to make shouty mad now)

Latula: (prob4bly)

Karkat: SHUT UP.

Kankri: I think, h9wever, y9u are n9t fully trained in the art. I think f9r y9u t9 6e a gentler and m9re refined tr9ll, like myself, I sh9uld teach y9u m9re 9f the art 9f checking y9ur privileges.

Karkat: I'M BEING AS POLITE AS I CAN. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Kankri: And here I th9ught y9u were 9n the path t9 a refined life much like mine.

Karkat (slightly softer): I AM. THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME. LOOK HOW POLITE I'M BEING AFTER CHECKING MY PRIVILEGES. I MAY EVEN SMILE. (mouth twitches as Karkat tries to smile)

Kankri: G99d, n9w we can w9rk 9n y9ur t9ne. C9me, n9w, Karkat.

Karkat: DAMN IT.

Lisa: Before we have to hear any more from these two, this chapter has to come to an end. (looks at Karkat, who is trying to get out of Kankri's grip as he is forced up the stairs) Wish him luck.

karkat: REMEMBER TO LETS GAMZEE OUT.

Lisa: Thanks for the reminder! (opens closet door)

Gamzee: (eyes widen as light hits his face) She died and left behind

Lisa; What the hell?

Gamzee: An ancient piece of time

Terezi: D- Is he singing?

Gamzee: I didn't know what it was

Lisa: It's gotten to him.

Gamzee: You're the lucky one

Lisa: (turns off ICP) Calm down, Gamzee, it's over now.

Gamzee: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK

Karkat: (bolts downstairs, takes Gamzee into another room alone for 5 solid minutes of shoosh-papping.)

Lisa: Thank God.

Karkat: (comes out with Gamzee) I THINK HE'S BETTER.

Kankri: At least y9u can handle y9ur m9rail well.

Karkat: YEAH THANKS I GUESS.

Lisa: Anyone else we missed? No? Good. Nepeta and Equius, you may be yourselves again.

Nepeta: :33 awwww :(

-  
I think I'm going to try to contact about the problem.  
Don't forget to send in some truths and dares! 


	6. Coolkids and Wine

Ch 5 -

~These dares come from TheEndBeats!

Dares Roxy get sober for a day or two or 5 Dirk make sure roxy gets sober and also get drunk Nepeta find a wall. hug it. tightly.

Truths Karkat what is your opinion on watertight vertical cylinders Dave how ar eyou so epiic hgnnnnnhnnngnnhngngggggggggg g John what hand motions were you making at jade when yelling about davesprite breaking up with her~

Lisa: Karkat, you lucked out today!

Karkat: FUCK YOU, I'M GOING TO BE HUMILIATED SOMEHOW JUST LIKE EVERY TIME WE PLAY THIS DUMB GAME.

Lisa: Not a single dare, Karkat!

Karkat: REALLY?

Lisa: Nope, only a truth for you. (heheheheheheh)

Karkat: THANK GOG.

Lisa: Roxy has been asked to get sober, but she's already done it. Maybe we could expand her sobriety.

Meenah: i say 3 weeks

Lisa: I was thinking more like 8 da-

Meenah: T )( REE WEEKS.

Lisa: Three weeks.

Rose: Oh, God.

Lisa: Roxy, give me that bottle! (reaches for bottle)

Roxy: (lunges back and holds it tighter than she held baby Rose) just a sip?

Lisa: No! (aggrieves and eventually wins bottle from a blubbering Roxy) Dirk, watch her and keep this out of her reach.

Dirk: alright.

Lisa: You also have to get drunk. (hands bottle over)

Dirk: Why would I let this touch my tongue?

Lisa: Hey, I don't care if you wimp out or not.

Dirk: Fuckin'... (takes swig)

Lisa: How is it?

Dirk: Horrible. (takes three more long gulps while Roxy watches desperately)

Lisa: Yup, you sure do look like you hate that stuff.

Dirk: I do (finishes off bottle)

Lisa: Uh-huh. Nepeta, you need to... am I reading this right?

Nepeta: :33 *acs ears perk up in curiousity* what is it?

Lisa: hug a... hug a wall? I think we're going to have to skip this o-

Lisa was interrupted by the sound of a content purr.

Lisa: I guess it is possible to hug a wall. Continuing, I need Karkat.

Karkat: I THOUGHT I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING.

Lisa: This is a truth!

Karkat: FINE. WHAT IS IT?

Lisa: What is your opinion on watertight vertical cylinders?

Karkat: FUCK EVERYTHING.

Lisa: Well?

Karkat: THEY ARE THE MOST DISGUSTING THING IN THE EXISTENCE OF TROLLKIND.

John: (vriska what is with trolls and buckets?)

Vriska: (It's 8est you don't ask.)

John: (kanaya?)

Kanaya: (Vriska Was Right. Just Leave The Subject Alone.)

John: (ok jeez)

Lisa: Ok. Dave, how are you "so epiic hgnnnnnhnnngnnhngngggggggggg g"?

Dave: i dunno i guess it's just natural you know

Dirk: ibf anythign i *hic* shoulfd got thart onbe

Nobody had noticed that Dirk had one and a half more bottles of wine.

Lisa: Yes, Dirk, we know. Why don't you rest your eyes for a while?

Dirk: Okapy *hic*

Lisa: Last one is for you John. What were those hand motions you were making to Jade when yelling about Davesprite breaking up with her?

Jade: I wanted to know, too, but he wouldn't tell me!

John: well i guess i was miming some angry thing?

Kurloz tipped his head towards him in approval and mimed something completely nonsensical to everyone but Meulin, who started her own mime converstation with him.

Lisa: Tell the truth!

John: fine! it's because (blushes as his voice gets smaller and smaller) he's a sprite and you're human

Lisa: What now?

Jade: Yeah, come on John, I deserve to know!

John: (not any louder) i was wondering how you and davesprite are supposed to, if you married, re-

Lisa: Speak up!

John: (almost as loud as Karkat) I WAS WONDERING HOW YOU AND DAVESPRITE WERE SUPPOSED TO REPRODUCE!

Jade: ...

Dave: wait what the fuck

Jade: What?

Dave: since when did davesprite start dating anyone and why didnt i know?

Jade: Well remember those three years we were on the ship?

Dave: why wasnt i informed that my own birdself was fucking dating?

Jade: I promised him I wouldn't tell!

Dave: why wouldnt you tell a guy when youre dating his birdself?

Jade: Ok I'm sorry geez!

Dirk: (picks up head) i dabted a birf onec (slams had back down)

-  
Thanks a ton to everyone who's been reading! 200+ views in two days is a lot (for me, at least)! 


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